Full Court Press

I know a lot about sports. But there is only so much information my 3 pound 7 ounce brain can retain (the average brain weighs three pounds…no big deal or anything). So what does this mean? Some sports get left in the wayside, forgotten, neglected like ¾ of the clothes in my closet. Basketball, you are one of those sweaters that just does not fit right.

Yes, I know the basics. I get the difference between a two-pointer and three-pointer (really complex subject right there folks). And I know what a rebound, a block, a free-throw, and a field goal (that doesn’t go between the uprights) is. I can tell you where the key is, what’s happening when someone is driving in the lane, what’s a charge, what’s a foul and what’s a pick. I’ve seen dunks, and blocks, and people throwing it down. I even enjoy the occasional precipitation when someone decides to make it rain. But basketball… just not my thing. To me: Kobe is a scumbag, Lebron is a traitor, Lamar is that guy married to the Kardashian, BirdMan is basketballs Josh Hamilton, Dwight Howard has huge hands and a little head, and that right there is about the point is which my knowledge stops. Basketball will always be the jeans that fit a little too loose around the waist, the t-shirt that cuts at that awkward spot, or the shoes that just don’t match anything.

So now that you know my knowledge base when it comes to that ball and basket sport, take what I am about to say with a grain of salt, or a whole salt shaker for all I care, you know what, take it with the whole carton (you know the one with the little girl in the rain gear with the umbrella). Shoot, anyway… I like the full court press. I like it a lot. Every time I see it my heart flutters a little faster. After this blog gets me a successful sports writing career, and then I start getting coaching offers because they are just amazed by my insight (this happens all the time…doesn’t it?). I know nothing of strategy or game plans, or plays or anything that a good coach would need, but that doesn’t matter. My team (let’s be honest, if I ever coach a basketball team they will be younger than 8 or older than 58) will be fit. Why? Because I love the full court press. I don’t even know why teams full court press, but whenever I see it, I like it. It shows me they want to win, they have the heart, the passion, and the stamina.

Picture this: my youths/elderly people on the ice, I mean court, after a hard-fought tie, and me, older and wiser, with the whistle… they’re running suicides, “again”, “again”, “again”…the lights go out, “Hey Herb, I mean Wynne, it’s getting late” , my assistant coach says (I’m thinking Coach K) …”again”, “again”. Why? Because the legs feed the wolf. And after a few nights of suicides, we will full court press the crap out of everyone we see. I love the full court press.

Take it or leave it, and just hope I am never your coach, church leagues and YMCA’s across America better be on their toes.

There is a lesson an 11-time All-Star can learn from a mutant dog...

I had a puppy once. Her name was Oliver. Those of you who know Oliver may also know that she was not just any golden retriever she was actually part mutant. The mutant portion of Oliver caused her to expand horizontally to at least three times the normal width of a dog. But Oliver embodied one of those traits that dogs are known for, she was loyal. Boy, was she loyal. Having a bad day? Oliver, the mutant dog, would sense this and jump on your lap effectively crushing all the bones in your legs, but that is not what mattered, the fact that she was always there for you is what was important. Moral of the story: Oliver was loyal.

You don’t see loyalty in sports that often. Money is what runs the game. We saw King James turn his back on the city that built him. Joe Montana spent his last two years in Kansas City red and gold. Michael Jordan join the Washington Wizards, and so many more. So when are these sports stars going to learn that breaking hearts in the cities you leave behind isn’t the way to go, the way to go is jumping on their lap no matter what. Because these teams built you, they trusted you, they embodied you, and sometimes, the irrational sports fans that you’ve never met, those fans loved you.

Thank you Rockies and Troy Tulowitzki for signing a ten-year deal. And I know this deal has its flaws, but the loyalty warms my heart (that happens to be freezing because of this Colorado weather). And the fact that I get to clap to the Tulo beat for another ten years…score. I am glad to see that Tulo will be wearing purple and black until he is the ripe old age of 36. Speaking of 36 year olds, Derek Jeter, the face of the Yankees has a chance to retire in his pinstripes as a Yankee hero… or he can break the hearts of a city of fans (angry fans, mean fans, passionate fans, fans who probably have access to illegal weapons. Just kidding, sorta). Let’s see where his loyalties lie. Do they lie in his wallet (that’s just a metaphor guys, there is no wallet that would fit twenty million dollars) or in the pinstripes that built him? Will DJ leave the house that Ruth built and leave behind a team he has devoted 16 years to, and won 5 world championships with? We will just have to wait and see. I pose this as a challenge to Derek: stay loyal my dear friend.

Just stand by me.